stuck in a box

Do you ever feel like you’re just watching?

Watching the world go by. Watching the sunrise and the sunset. Watching the seasons change. Watching people live their lives while you just stare, emotionless, as though you don’t even exist.

It’s like I’m stuck behind glass SCREAMING and no one seems to hear me but they can see me just sitting there trapped in my little glass box, so I just sit there and watch.

I watch as my friends embark on new adventures. I watch as they begin to take risks in following their dreams. I watch as they enter the beginning stages of having more than a crush. I watch as they enter the idea of falling in love at seventeen. I watch as they grow closer and closer with someone else while they grow further and further away from me. 

I’m the ghost of the girl I used to be. I’m beating away at these walls in hopes that the rubble will prove to me that I exist. It feels like the last supporting beam in my house just collapsed and I’m stuck under all the debris unable to breathe or collect the broken pieces.

I feel like a piece of paper that can’t move past the fact that it can never go back to being a tree.

I’m watching T.V seeing them live their dreams and wondering what that must feel like?

I have dreams and ideas but reality seems to always be getting in the way, telling me there’s no way, so I’m just stuck in a daydream of how this is all supposed to be.

Hold On Pain Ends

"hope is all we have"

Best invention ever

I think I think too much

I’m thinking about you while sitting on my roof and staring at the moon... wondering if you even exists.

I don’t think you do? Because if you did I’d be thinking about you a lot more than I already do.

I’d be thinking about you like chains think about rust.  Like pizza thinks about crust. Like bookshelves think about dust.

I’d be thinking about you like cereal thinks about spoons. Like roses think about thorns. Like marriage thinks about divorce.

I’d be thinking about you like the alphabet thinks about soup. Like peanuts think about butter. Like Leonardo DiCaprio thinks about… water.

I’d be thinking about you like Edward thinks about Bella. Like prince charming thinks about Cinderella. Like creative writing thinks about… Devastated Daisy.

I’d be thinking about you like finger nails think about polish. Like vanilla thinks about chocolate. Like my cell phone charger thinks about getting plugged into a socket.

I’d be thinking about you like dandruff thinks about shampoo. Like how the kid sitting next to me in class needs shampoo and probably some conditioner too.

I’d be thinking about you like coughing thinks about syrup. Like cowboys think about stirrups.  Like that one girl who thought her car was “stolen” but really she just forgot where she parked it…. (Idk what that has to do with thinking about you)

I’d be thinking about you like coffee thinks about Starbucks. Like hipsters think about Starbucks. Like yoga pants, I phones, and UGG boots think about Starbucks.

I’d be thinking about you like books think about titles. Like my laundry thinks about dirty clothes piles. Like homosexuals think about… stereotypes.

I’d be thinking about you like Plato thinks about Socrates and philosophies that I’m still trying to make sense of.

I think I would think about thinking about you.

Because when I actually think about you the sun misses the moon and the stars forget how to make constellations.