stuck in a box

Do you ever feel like you’re just watching?

Watching the world go by. Watching the sunrise and the sunset. Watching the seasons change. Watching people live their lives while you just stare, emotionless, as though you don’t even exist.

It’s like I’m stuck behind glass SCREAMING and no one seems to hear me but they can see me just sitting there trapped in my little glass box, so I just sit there and watch.

I watch as my friends embark on new adventures. I watch as they begin to take risks in following their dreams. I watch as they enter the beginning stages of having more than a crush. I watch as they enter the idea of falling in love at seventeen. I watch as they grow closer and closer with someone else while they grow further and further away from me. 

I’m the ghost of the girl I used to be. I’m beating away at these walls in hopes that the rubble will prove to me that I exist. It feels like the last supporting beam in my house just collapsed and I’m stuck under all the debris unable to breathe or collect the broken pieces.

I feel like a piece of paper that can’t move past the fact that it can never go back to being a tree.

I’m watching T.V seeing them live their dreams and wondering what that must feel like?

I have dreams and ideas but reality seems to always be getting in the way, telling me there’s no way, so I’m just stuck in a daydream of how this is all supposed to be.