The Drunk Apology

Dear Mom,

I miss you. Every card I titled “to the best mom ever” still holds the truth. I’m sorry for the burden that I’ve become. I’m sorry for shutting you out when I know you are only trying to help. The silence building between us is my desperate plea for your attention, for you to actually listen to me. I’m screaming at you through the coughing, the wheezing, and the silent gasps for air. This sickness has taken over me but I still love you.

Dear Family,

I miss you. I’m sorry for holding grudges. I’m sorry I forgot to write. I’m sorry I shut you out when I really just wanted someone to talk to.

Dear Friends,

I miss you. I’m sorry for pressing ignore when I really wanted to press answer. I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately. I’m sorry I’ve missed out on the basketball games, the random parties, and the endless memories that will later become the stories you tell your grand kids. I’m sorry for shutting you out when I desperately wanted you to understand.

Dear teacher(s),

I miss your class. I miss the lectures, the sometimes funny jokes, and the cute boy who sat next to me in class. I miss learning, reading, and leaving class with a new perspective. This is the first year I’ve loved all my classes and it’s all because of you. I just wish I could be there to show you how much class means to me.

Dear Doctor(s),

I still see you every day so I can’t say that I miss you. I’m sorry for wincing as you poke and prick at my skin but I’m tired of feeling like a raggedy anne doll. I’m sick of the alcohol swabs, the blood tests, and the smell of disinfectant.  I’m sick of the endless diagnoses of names I can’t even pronounce.  I’m sorry for being so negative. I know you’re just trying to help but I just want someone to tell me the truth.

Dear God,

I miss you. I’m sorry for the curse words, skipping church, and my bitter attitude. I’m sorry for asking for the same thing every night. I’m sorry for 11-28-13, it won’t happen again.

Dear old me,

I miss you and I think everyone else does too. I hate looking through old photographs and seeing the happy girl in skinny jeans. I miss your laugh, your smile, and your innocence. I miss the adventurous brunette with dreams and a future. I’m sorry I shut you out too.

Dear Lyme's Disease,

Screw you.